Fluevog Shoes

"my problem"

One night in the not too distant past, Evany, Liz and I were at The Eagle, right here in the wild west of San Francisco, to see Black Kali Ma play. As we were drinking beer, eating peanuts, and observing the bar patrons' outfits and behaviors, I mentioned to Evany that I had located a pair of size 8 red "cowgirl" loafers with the yellow stitching trim and high sole in the New York store of Fluevog, and they were winging their way to me via UPS as we were speaking. She, ensconced in her then current madness titled PLWM ("Project Live Within Means"), became livid with a jealous rage, and shouted "WHY!" at the heavens, gesticulating with a mad drama that wasn't noticed by anyone but me, as we were at The Eagle.

There was a pause in the conversation as we watched the rockstar Matt Margolin playing with his guitar pedals. Then Evany said, "You know, I have five pairs now." I pondered this, thought of my shoes, and said. "Oh. I have four." She, with shocked expression, said, "What? How can that be?" knowing full well that I had developed a Fluevog obsession well before she had, and thus really ought to have more than four pairs!

Suddenly, we looked down at our feet and realized we were wearing the exact same boots. Fluevog High Tiffs, in navy blue. Then, as she began to list the extent of her Fluevog ownership to prove her numbers (though, really, I didn't ask)—the crazy nurse shoes, the gravity defying space pumps, the flying-saucer-looking orange and black mary janes, the high-soled scalloped oxfords... none of which I own and all of which I really ought to have, dammit—I realized to what extent this is an obsession. I said, "Oh. I meant I have four pairs with that high sole, not four pairs total." I think her reply was: "Oh. My. God.... You. Are. So. Busted." Or maybe it was "Oh guuurrrrl." In any case, Black Kali Ma rocks. You should really go see them play when they come to your town. (Note how I change the topic when someone catches me mid-obsession. This never works with Evany either. So the first person to guess precisely how many pairs of Fluevog shoes I own wins a free h2so4 t-shirt. You are disqualified if you have seen my closet.)

Jill Stauffer