Rivers Cuomo

heartthrob of Weezer

I've never been one for objectification. But really, can anyone be more beautiful than Rivers Cuomo? He rocks. I like to play the song he wrote for me ("Always") while admiring his photo. Sometimes I imagine he's here in my office, wearing a hello kitty wristband, singing to me. Other times he just wants to read a book quietly, or rent a movie. I am content with this wonderfully one-sided relationship we have. In fact, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Unless, of course, he called me and asked me out and then confessed his undying love. Really, this whole experience is reminiscent of when I was seven years old and in love with Shawn Cassidy. The only difference: I don't have a Rivers stick pin, nor do I write "I © Rivers" on my notebooks (at least not when anyone is looking).

—Natalie Stauffer