Bourbons and Truffles (h2so4 4)

My dad bought me a sampler of 4 small-batch bourbons for christmas, along with a box of truffles and various other lovely things. I don't think he intended that the bourbon and truffles go together, but as one simply begs for the other, well, so they were paired one evening chez moi, as Heidi and I prepared ourselves for a journey to a birthday party.

  • Booker's, 124.9 proof, 7 years old
    J: Claaagh!
    H: Quick! Chase it with a truffle!
    J: I haven't felt like this since trying to get drunk in high school.
    H: Have a truffle.
    J: Mmm, Hazelnut.
    K: Give me Dark Chocolate.

Bookers, as you can tell from its proof, is extremely strong, and is no smoothie. It is made by Booker Noe, who insists that his grandfather, Jim Beam, liked this stuff.

  • Baker's, 107 proof, 7 years old
    J: Pleasant. Somewhat smoky afterburn. And anything's better after the last one.
    H: Do-able over the long term. Could stick with it for an entire evening.
    J: Let's split a truffle this time. Grand Marnier? 
    H: Euh! I hate orange.
    J: Grand Marnier is raspberry.
    H: Then why is this frosting orange?
    J: Oh.
    H: Macadamia Nut Dark.
    J: I'm with you on that one.
  • Knob Creek, 100 proof, 9 years old
    H: Knob Creek is smooth!
    J: I like Baker's better.
    H: I don't.
    J: Knob Creek does NOT mix well with truffles.
    H: And it smells of cedar.
    J: Where's the Cherry Bomb?
    H: WHAT?
    J: This diagram says there should be a Cherry Bomb truffle and I want it.

At this point we look at each other and decide it is time to take a break. Call it simultaneous desire. Heidi launches into her diatribe about the world conspiracy to make all chocolate milk chocolate, and how she hates milk chocolate. I eat the caramel truffle.

  • Basil Hayden, 80 proof, 8 years old
    H: Tastes weak after the other three.
    J: My stomach is fomenting revolution. I think I need a piece of bread.
    H: It is the color of very expensive white oak.
    J: I still really like Maker's Mark.
    H: I hope you're going to address why expensive chocolates have the same name as a species of fungi.
    J: Shape.
    H: What?
    J: They have the same shape.
    H: What has the same shape?
    J: Truffles and Truffles. 

This deterioration in conversation made us realize that we were extremely late for the party. We seized the day.
At the party I:

  • sprayed whipped cream all over Seymour Glass, who seemed to think that I wouldn't do it precisely because he was begging me to. He smelled like animal crackers for the rest of the evening;
  • became engaged to J. Gibbs Chapman. O! happy event. Heidi screamed out, "where's the ring!" and he gave me the rubber band from his Drumm tobacco package. He said, "I get to keep the finger when it falls off." The qualities he saw in me: I am a non-smoker, and thus I can go to restaurants with him, now that California has outlawed smoking in any public place. And I promised to remind him to drink more water every day;
  • felt Mary Cosola's unborn child. Through her belly, of course, you ninny;
  • realized that Heidi and I were both wearing denim jumpers. Quelle horreur!
  • ate raw potatoes;
  • got stuck in the bathroom;
  • discussed with Barbara Manning our relative abilities to kick-ass;
  • truck;
  • broke off my engagement, but don't tell anyone, because I want to keep the gifts.

So, the rundown is: Jill prefers Baker's, Heidi prefer's Knob Hill, but Basil Hayden is something you can drink for long periods of time, and Booker's will kill all bacteria within one mile of your mouth. It would probably make some mean Mint Juleps,though I'll hold onto it until summertime. As to the truffles, simple is better. Heidi likes the All Dark and I like the Hazelnut, though I'm still miffed about the missing Cherry Bomb.

As regards the more readily available bourbons, we enjoy Jim Beam, Maker's Mark, and the occasional Rebel Yell.

Jill Stauffer